Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
