There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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