Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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