i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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