oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
