Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
