Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
