As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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