You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
