I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
