My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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