I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
