maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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