Your mouth is God's brothel.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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