My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I smell stomach acid.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize