About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize