just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
