I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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