p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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