I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
