she looked like the before picture.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
