Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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