Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
