So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
