my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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