the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
