There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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