I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
