My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
