I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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