hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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