he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
