how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
