the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How's work?
Spinning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am available for nakedness
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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