I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How does one acquire holy water?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
