I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
God, I missed his penis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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