can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
