he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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