wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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