We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
