I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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