Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
