I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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