I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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