Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can't talk, ducks in the car
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So. Much. Porn.
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