I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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