I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
