Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
