i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
