no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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