Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just had sex bonerless
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
