How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
