i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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