i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How does one acquire holy water?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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