In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
