Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
