We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
