I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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