Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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