no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my phone needs a breathalizer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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