A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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