Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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