i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
