THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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