Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
