i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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