True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
