who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
