Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
