Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
