She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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