so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
