If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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