Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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