ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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