Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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