I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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